Rain, rain go away ...

Sigh, the song that I can never sing since naming a son, Rane. He was resentful of the name at times and in the first grade even wanted to change his name to Jack. We had just moved, so it would have worked to tell all his teachers and meeting all the new kids. Now that he is in high school, he thinks it is okay. It helps that one of his favorite shows is the Office and "Dwight"'s real name is Rainn.

Love the sound of the rain coming down the downspout instead of over the gutter. I am the one that has the lovely chore of cleaning out the gutters. This includes the second story ones and we only have a one story ladder. Hubby is so squeamish that he won't watch me do it. I get all the way on top via the garage roof & the one story ladder handed up. I sit in a way that my weight is centered and I can reach to the edge of the roof for the gutter. Then it is scooting along crab fashion until the whole gutter is done. How do I rate this chore? Hubby isn't rated for the ladder which only goes to 250 lbs. And the strapping young men of my household don't have life insurance on them. Like that would make them more careful? Hubby doesn't want them to take the risk, and they are not anxious to take on an addition chore anyway. So why doesn't he hire somebody? I freakin' do not know except that I guess he assumes that I will take care of it when I decide I do not want to take the risk anymore.

And I try to forgive for what seems that he doesn't care and not take it out on anybody else with passive-aggressive behaviors ... but I am not good at this and end up depressed and struggling. Just because you want to forgive and not be hurt any more doesn't mean you can.

And then I feel rotten because I have a healthy hubby who jogs and coaches his sons in basketball and plays board games with them. My sister, "M", has been dealing with lung cancer of her husband going on 18 months now. I can't imagine the anquish. And he has no life insurance, but he cleans out his gutters and until recently my parents who live nearby too. I pray several times a day for him, but I really want a magic wand.

Luv a burger

Grateful for burgerking and two sons that were willing to go get the food to clog my arteries. So what if they are really gaming for the life insurance money.

Smack

I am grateful that I don't have a 9-to-5 job. I am grateful that I can wear sweatpants all day ... and that when I shit myself on my morning walk, all I have to do is finish the walk ... and clean up the mess.

Exercising the Attitude of Gratitude

I am grateful to be on the mend from the worst head cold I have had in many years. I am grateful I got through the birthday celebration of my youngest son. I am grateful to #3 son for coming along on the outing for only the payment of an ice cream cone. I am grateful hubby and son #2 returned home safely from U. of Wyoming visit.

Lasagna

I find lasagna immensely satisfying on many levels. The texture, the cheese ... and lately, being able to throw a frozen one in the oven for two hours and that's dinner.

Notes to Myself

I am grateful for hot showers. And toilet paper.
All else starts to blend into shades of endurance.
I have no goals for the future. And yet am driven by a lifetime of accomplishments.
I had accomplished all my youthful goals by the age of 36. Six kids, a respected profession, good-looking hubby ... but it was by burning the candle of my existence at both ends. There may not be anymore wick.

As my father sinks into dementia, I mourn the man I might have known.
What good are his accomplishments now? What good the pattern of thinking and life I have inherited?