My spirit is weighed down ...

My BIL has been fighting lung cancer for the last two years.  On Wednesday, he lost his battle.  He was a wonderful human being and a fantastic chef.  Even though we knew that the end was coming, it hurts.  Even though they live 3000 miles away from me and I only saw them every two years, it hurts.  Even though I have known him for twenty five years, it hurts.  There is no logic to the way I feel, and I don't even feel I have the right to feel this bad.